How to Annoy a Storm Hawk
by Saffronica612
Summary: It's not the Cyclonians...it's not even Finn...it's your own homegrown evil author, doing all she can to make the Storm Hawks' lives miserable in a hilarious way...Mwahahahaha!
1. Intro in a Giant Note

Author's Note: Actually, this entire chapter is the author's note. I am using a giant author's note. So ha to all you people who hate author's notes.

It's not like I have the extra time to do this or anything (actually, the way schoolwork's been piling up, I don't have any extra time), but I needed to laugh, so I thought, "Why not write a pure funny story?"

Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm laughing already.

No, really, because I know what's going to happen to all our favorite squadron and you don't.

Yep, that's what this story is: written mostly from first person, of the author, basically what it would take to drive each of the Storm Hawks over the edge. If you like it, I might write a sequel: How to Annoy a Cyclonian. However, I decided to torture the Storm Hawks first. ;-)

One last thing, before all of you who are seriously tired of this author's note have skipped ahead to the first chapter (I'm assuming that all the huge note-haters have already gone, and you who are sticking around are just the nice ones…teehee!) I'm not writing a billion disclaimers or author's notes. I do not own the Storm Hawks. I assume that you all know this fact. I'm not going to repeat it in front of every chapter.

Okay, now I'm done. Now, you must ask yourself a question: are you ready for all the madness? The craziness? The complete and utter insanity? Then press the "Next Chapter" button!


	2. Finn

As soon as I was teleported into the Atmos using my amazing Teleportation Powers That All Authors Have And Use For Situations Like This: Torturing Their Favorite Characters (whew, that was a rather long name…I have to have a word with whomever came up with it), I had a specific target in mind.

Finn.

Finn should be rather easy to bug, there were so many things one could do to him: destroy his guitar but in a way that he doesn't notice until he tries to play it, sabotage his skimmer (okay, he does that one to himself), get a giant Venus Fly-Trap to eat him…but I had better plans, plans that required more subtlety.

Using more Author Powers (although this one was less amazing; after all, the Atmos does have Chroma-crystals) I transformed myself to look like Piper. In one hand I clutched a crystal, and in the other, various tools and a camera.

"Finn!" I called. My Piper-voice annoyed me already (as a huge fan of the Cyclonians, Master Cyclonis especially, I find a natural animosity towards all things _Piper_).

Finn stuck his head out of his room. I took it as an invitation to enter. "What did I do this time? And what in the world are you doing in my room?"

"I'm in a bad mood, Finn," I pouted. Okay, I was already annoying myself.

"And this pertains to me because…?" he drawled.

I lifted the crystal. Finn's face appeared. "So Piper, seeing as you're a girl and all, I was wondering—" his holographic and real head winced simultaneously "—if you want to braid each other's hair or something."

Finn gave me a mortified glare. "No way."

"You promised. You can't take it back now. I am going to braid your hair, Finn, whether I have to paralyze you with my crystals to do it!"

Finn sighed meekly, then sat down. I grinned evilly (again, I think I probably looked more like the Cyclonis-Piper that the poor girl saw in her Binding Visions than the actual navigator. Finn, at least, looked scared enough.)

_----Five Minutes Later-----_

"Smile!" I said.

*Flash!*

"Hey, wait, no pictures! Hey!"

It was too late. I ran from the room. Now, for part two of my plan…

_------The Next Day, on Terra Atmosia-----_

The Condor landed to re-fuel and for Piper (the real one, I was observing this all, invisible) to replenish her crystal supply. Finn was strutting around the main marketplace, trying and failing miserably to hit on the ladies.

"Hey, gals, tcha-cha!" Finn drawled. "How are you today?"

The trio of teenagers whom he addressed all leaned away and gave him a strange look. Finn stepped forward, wiggling his eyebrows. "Don't worry, there's enough of the Finnster to go around!"

They all gave each other another _look_, that kind of look that you give people when you both know something embarrassing, but no one wants to say it. The tall, blonde girl decided to break it to Finn.

"Look, Storm Hawk, it's okay. We know. Don't worry, your secret is safe with us. But really, you don't have to try to overcompensate just for appearance. We're not in the mood to act."

Finn looked confused. He'd had a lot of varied responses from girls, most of them negative, but none of them trying to be…understanding, and implying that he was…faking hitting on them? "Huh-what-in-the-world-do-you-mean?" he gulped, suddenly very nervous.

"Finn, it's okay, you don't have to pretend around us," another said sweetly.

Finn was sweating. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied, hands in the air. "What's going on here? What does everyone here know that I don't?"

The blonde one held up a picture. It was Finn, alright, but his normally styled hair was pulled into two tight French braids. Adorning the top of his head was a giant pink bow.

"Finn, we don't blame you at all. We don't judge you. I mean, you were born that way, and we don't blame you at all. But seriously, could you stop hitting on us just for the sake of appearances? There's nothing to be embarrassed about, and it's kind of awkward for all of us girls."

Finn's face paled. The blood drained from his cheeks and his eyes widened as the implications of their statement struck him.

They…they thought…he was…

"PIPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


	3. Junko

Junko

Junko. Junko. Junko, Junko, Junko.

Hm.

How in the world could I annoy, embarrass, and humiliate Junko?

Let's see, I could always do something involving his KnuckleBusters, but Finn already had played that prank. I could torment him in some way using his family business (I mean, seriously—underwear?), but that was just a low blow, plus it was uncreative.

The problem with Junko is that he's too darn nice! He never does anything mean, he rarely loses his temper, and when he does, he's not too crazy about it. He's always polite, he's so kindhearted, and he's so _naïve_! Half the jokes I wanted to play on him he wouldn't even understand.

Urgh!

The one thing that wasn't perfect about Junko was his horrible cooking, but come on. What was I going to do involving cooking?

An idea came to my mind. There was a trick that I once played on my father, who, like Junko, could eat anything. Not this.

Jalapeño peppers, slit open and filled with fake brown chemically enhanced sugar. If that didn't make someone barf, nothing could.

My eyes sparkled mischievously as I quickly prepared a tray of the disgusting things. Then, I teleported around the Condor, searching for Junko. To no one's surprise, he was in the kitchen, making himself a snack.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked kindly. "Did you get lost? Did you need directions?"

I smiled. Poor, naïve Junko. He will face my evilness! Mwahahahahahahaha!

"Junko," I began meekly, "I heard that you could eat absolutely anything. And my friends and I were wondering…this is just—" I held up my plate of tampered Jalapeño Peppers. "They're so spicy and everything, and we have a bet going on whether you can or cannot eat them without spitting them out or needing to get water or anything."

Junko glanced at me for a moment, contemplating my imaginary bet. "You brought me extra food?" he finally replied. "Cool with me!" Grabbing the entire plate, he dumped the whole load into his mouth.

His mouth was so full he appeared to be the champion of some deranged Chubby Bunny competition. He began to chew, somehow still managing to grin at me. I dropped my innocent façade, smirking right back at him.

He reached the artificial sugar.

"Phhhhhhhhht!" Half-chewed, regurgitated Jalapeño erupted from his tormented mouth to coat the room in its slimy substance. "Water," he wheezed. I obliged. After all, I just wished to utterly humiliate him, and I had accomplished that. No need to destroy what remained of his taste buds by refusing his desperate request.

After about five minutes of glugging, his face returned from beet red to its normal hue. He turned towards me. "I don't know what that **** was, but it certainly wasn't peppers!" he gasped.

"Oh, Junko," I sighed. "Just admit defeat. However, you could always insist on doing all the cooking for the Storm Hawks, just to insure that no one slips more mysterious sauces on your food."

Junko grinned. "Now that is an idea. But I'm still hungry right now…I wonder what's in the fridge?"

* * *

Real story, the feeding the artificial sugar peppers to my father. Reaction was pretty much the same, too.


	4. Radarr

Radarr.

Now this was going to be a breeze.

Step 1. Give the chickens his email.

Step 2. Give the chickens his AIM.

Step 3. Give the chickens his Twitter account and Facebook.

Step 4. Give the chickens his cell-phone number.

Step 5. Help the chickens implant a GPS tracker on him.

Step 6. Help the chickens install a camera in his room.

Step 7. Lock him in a large wooden crate with a bunch of chickens.

I think you get the picture.


	5. Piper

Piper.

Piper is a smart girl, so, of course, by the time I got to her, she already suspected that someone was playing mind-games with all of the Storm Hawks. It would be a challenge to aggravate her properly.

I grinned. I _loved_ challenges, and just as Cyclonis was my favorite character…well, let's just say there was no holding back for the horrors Piper had in store for her.

I waited until Piper left her room, then the madness began. Every single crystal that she had, I took, packed into a large crate, and teleported the crate off the Cyclonia. _Happy Birthday, Lark_. Then, of course, I couldn't leave her room empty, so in place of every crystal I took, I put a plastic fake-jewelry gemstone. Of course, I had to peel off all the little sticky tags that said "Made in China," but it was worth it. In less than thirty minutes all of Piper's crystals had been replaced with worthless, Earth-manufactured fakes.

As much as I knew I ought to get out of the room, I decided instead to turn myself invisible and watch her reaction. After all, in this story, I was all-powerful (no, I'm not a Mary Sue. The purpose of this story is not for me to tragically fall in love with Aerrow, defeat the Cyclonians, and be the hero of Atmos and the new Sky Knight of the Storm Hawks. I'm an unbiased viewer who simply wished to play a few tricks on the Hawkies.) The point is, there was nothing that Piper could do to me besides annoy me, which she did already by simply existing. (Okay, I should really stop bashing Piper. She's not that bad, and this is really ruining my 'unbiased' image that I've worked so hard to put together.)

Piper came into the room, sat down at her desk, and took one look at the crystal sample under her microscope before she began to scream. I grinned. Mission accomplished.

Then, much to my surprise, she pulled herself together. "FINN!" she screamed. Finn came running into her room. "Do you want to explain the disappearance of all of my crystals?" she growled menacingly.

Finn looked around and noted the presence of all the plastic crystals. "Piper, all of your crystals are still here."

"They're duds!" she screamed. "Now tell me what you did with my real crystals! Don't tell me you had nothing to do with their disappearance!"

Finn grimaced, glaring right back at her. "Yeah, just like you had absolutely nothing to do with the distribution of that picture of me with braided hair."

I burst out laughing from behind the bed.

"Now you're laughing at me!" they both shouted simultaneously. Aerrow burst into the room.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Finn stole all my crystals and—"

"Piper is accusing me of something I didn't do, and you're not supposed to get in trouble for stuff you didn't do, unless it's homework, but that isn't the point, plus she is denying having anything to do with distributing those pictures of me, and—"

Finn broke off as Piper slapped him full across the face. My ribs were cracking from laughing so hard now.

Aerrow broke the two apart. "Extra cleaning duties for both of you! And Piper, I'm disappointed!"

"But where are we going to get the money to buy all the new crystals?" Piper wailed.

Finn's eyes sparkled evilly. "Well, there's always your college fund."

"I won't be able to pay for college if we use my college fund!"

"There won't be college if Cyclonis took over the Atmos," Aerrow pointed out.

Piper's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "How did you learn about my college fund?" she asked.

"Um..mumble mumble…guitar, mumble mumble…spent a bit, mumble mumble."

"FIIIIIIIIIIIN! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"HahahaHeeheeheeHahahaha!"--me.


	6. Stork

Stork.

Now, I could always play some prank involving mindworms, but somehow, that seems a bit too cliché. Seriously, I was starting to feel bad for the poor guy. Absolutely no one believed him about these mindworms. They actually do exist—Google _Naegleria fowleri_ if you don't believe me.

Anyways, I wanted to prank Stork in a far worse way than simply scaring him into believing his demise was even more eminent than usual, as due to his doom-and-gloom attitude it wouldn't be that different than the norm. No, I would have to do something truly nasty to properly bring ignominy onto my favorite Merb pilot. I would also have to restrain from using a Thesaurus to pepper my literary expressions with obscure words simply to sound sophisticated, in an effort to remain concise and to allow the reader to fully enjoy the given piece without being forced to run to a dictionary. (Translation: I'll stop using big words, Kapiche?)

Now, for my evil plan, all I needed was…oh, okay, I would use mindworms, but only as part of the preface. The finale, now that would be completely mindworm free.

I put on my best saleslady costume and rang the doorbell (does it even have a doorbell?) of the Condor. Stork answered. He did not look happy. "What? You're letting the disease-infested air in!"

I put on a winning smile. "Hello! I represent Prevent Doom Inc ©, and in a publicity stunt, humanitarian action, and attempt to gain customers we are distributing—"

"Not interested."

"—free mindworm tests. Simple put a saliva sample on the stick, and if it turns red, you have tested positive for mindworms!"

Stork glanced at my armful of little boxes proclaiming of the benefits of testing for mindworms. "Fine, I'll take one, but don't expect me to buy any if it's a waste of my time. I already know I've tested negative for them!"

"New research actually shows that three strains of the mindworms do not show up on the tests. Even if you have tested negatively in the past, you should renew your testing every six months or every time you enter a known infested area to make sure you haven't picked up a new strain and your results are the cutting edge of medicine." I said it all in one breath.

Stork slammed the door in my face. At least he took the fake product.

I decided to rest at my house on Earth before initiating Phase Two. However, you can imagine the resulting chaos that ensued when not only did the stick turn red, but became stuck to Stork's tongue and would not for the life of him come off. I'm evil ;-)

_**Phase 2**_

Because Stork is probably my favorite Storm Hawk (Finn is funny, but he reminds me too much of my brothers; I loathe Piper; Junko is way to naïve, to the point at which it annoys me; Radarr is cute, but he doesn't talk, plus he's not a _cat_—yes, I'm an evil cat lady, get over it—; Aerrow is too _good_, I would like him if he could be a bit evil at times—did I mention I was evil? Go evil people!) I decided he would get two evil pranks pulled on him. Let me tell you, all you Stork Fan-girls out there will love me for this one!

Using my amazing Author-Powers-Which-Allow-Me-To-Alter-The-Time-Space-Fabric-of-the-Universe-Without-Being-a-Mary-Sue, I went several months into the past to Terra Neon, where a certain fiasco with two crazy producers forced Stork to face his worst fear: going on stage.

I caught the whole thing on videotape.

And published it on YouTube.*

Then sent Stork the link anonymously.

Then I could sit back (invisible, of course) and watch the madness unfold. Actually, I didn't have that good of a vantage point, but I did _hear_ and record everything perfectly.

Stork: Aerrow? Do you know what this paper is?

Aerrow: Looks like a web address.

Stork: Yeah, I can see that, do you have any idea who put it here?

Aerrow: Aren't you being a bit paranoid?

Stork: I'm using Piper's computer to find out what it is!

Piper: Hey—don't grab—hey, are you even going to ask? You're Welcome. Hmph.

Stork: Here it is, here it is…

[clip plays]

Stork: FINN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finn: What did I do this time? Eat all of Piper's sandcakes? Because they were so _not_ obviously labeled "For Radarr's Surprise Party." I only saw that afterwards.

Stork: You…You…

Finn: Why do you people always blame me?

Stork: You put me on YouTube!

Finn: Huh?

[clip plays again]

Finn: This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Seriously, why is there not a video of me playing my air guitar? Because poetry is LAME-O!

Piper: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think he may be innocent.

Finn: Yeah! What Piper said! And Piper, your sandcakes are amazing. Could you make me a batch for my surprise party?

Stork: That makes you the prime suspect.

Junko: Who, me?

Stork: No, you're too naïve. You break down and cry every time you lie to someone.

Junko: No I don't…well, maybe…well…*starts bawling*

Stork: I meant YOU!

Piper: Me!?!

Stork: Well, you're the one with the laptop!

Piper: I think there's a Cyclonia aboard the ship.

Stork: You're changing the subject! It is you! I knew it!

Piper: Because all of us have been pranked and we're all blaming each other.

Stork:…

Piper: Seriously.

Stork:…

Piper: You don't believe me, do you?

Stork: Not a Cyclonian…

Piper: …

Stork: AERROW!!!!!!!

Aerrow: Is someone attacking? Who-what-where-when-why-how?

Stork: You've been pranking all of us! What is this, the first week of April?

Aerrow: Why would I do that?

Stork: You're the only one who hasn't been pranked.

Aerrow: Wait, does that mean that someone is going to prank me? Oh, gosh.

Stork: Admit it! You did it!

Aerrow: Look, Stork, I'm sorry, but it's the Internet. What do you expect? If it makes you feel better, blame me. I have better things to worry about, like the fact that the Cyclonians are conquering the free Atmos as we speak.

Stork:…

Stork: You know you're doomed, right? As soon as out invisible prankster gets you!

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . Mwa. Ha.

* * *

*Want to see it? Here's the link. Replace "(dot)" with "."

http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=cR1aVzAW-PU

I do not own it. I am also not the author of the YouTube Account that placed it up. I merely discovered the link and decided to attach it to the end of this chapter for the reader's convenience, and to more accurately simulate realism.


	7. Aerrow

Aerrow.

This would be fun, not that it would be that much of a challenge. However, this was going to be quite funny.

I waited until Aerrow was alone, which just happened to be returning to his bedroom after dinner, until I cornered him.

"Aerrow!"

He jumped three feet in the air. "Who the hell are you? And what the hell are you doing in my room?"

I glared at him. "Watch you language, Aerrow. This is a children's show!"

Aerrow blushed. "Sorry. What the heck are you doing in my room?"

I smirked. "Me? I don't matter. I'm here because of you, Aerrow." He began to look nervous, glancing at the door. "You'll want to listen to what I have to sat, Storm Boy, or there will be some very nasty rumors going around the Atmos. Rumors centered around this picture."

Aerrow looked even more confused. "Why are you here? Who sent you?"

I smirked. "Cyclonis sent me." A downright lie, but hey, who cares? All for the fun of evil, nasty torture. I reached inside my jacket pocket, and instantly, Aerrow's blades were powered up and pointed at me. Still smirking, I withdrew the picture, and handed it to him.

It showed him and Cyclonis, kissing. Passionately.

Oh, the things one could do with Photoshop these days.

I looked at his shell-shocked face, and I couldn't help but twist the dagger deeper in his gut. "She wants the father to be around to help her raise her baby."

Aerrow closed his eyes, going into denial. "That's…impossible," he stuttered.

"Not impossible," I insisted.

"But I would remember!"

"Well, remember this. That party at Terra Sahar, that the Third Degree Burners were hosting. Where there was illegal alcohol, and the only thing you remember was waking up in your bedroom the next morning. Someone slipped something into your drink, and let me tell you, you didn't spend the night in _your_ bed. The rest of the Storm Hawks were too nailed to notice you missing."

Again, more lies. Aerrow had only drank water, and he fainted out of exhaustion from battles earlier that day. Piper and Junko had carried him back to his room. Still, _he_ didn't need to know.

He gulped, then glanced at the picture one more time. "I don't remember," he repeated guiltily.

"Well, don't tell her that. She's waiting for you to proclaim your undying love for her. Really, Aerrow, you could change her. Make her good. Save the Atmos!"

Aerrow's expression hardened into pure determination. "You're right. I can't shrink away from my responsibilities!" He scrawled a quick goodbye note to the other Storm Hawks, then hurried out with me to the hanger bay.

The poor, naïve fool never considered for a moment that I could be lying to him. His loss.

I will skip over a very boring 75 minute flight to Cyclonia on Aerrow's skimmer, and let me tell you that side-car may fit Radarr quite well, but it is not meant for a teenage girl, but heedless to say I did not shut up with "Are we there yet?" until Aerrow actually cried out in relief when we were there.

In the palace, we ran into no Talons on the way to the throne room. (Magic Author Powers. Don't ask, because I'm not in the mood to type them out again.) I looked Aerrow straight in the eye. "You ready?" He nodded. "Then just as we planned."

The red-headed teen took a deep breath, then stepped forward, bursting through the double doors and into the throne room. Cyclonis, Dark Ace, Ravess, Snipe, Repton, Chicken Feather, and all the other notable Cyclonians were in the process of planning their next attack on the Atmos. They were all quite shocked to see Aerrow waltzing into their throne room.

Before anyone could get over their shock and take out their weapons, Aerrow fell to his knees at Cyclonis's feet, loudly proclaiming, "Lark, my darling, I will always love you!"

There was a long, awkward silence. Then, "You know that's not my real name, right?"

Aerrow started blushing. At this time, Dark Ace got over his surprise and burst out laughing.

"Not funny, Dark Ace!" Cyclonis hissed.

"What do you mean? It's hilarious!" he insisted, tears of mirth streaming down his cheeks.

"Easy for you to say! What am I going to do with him?"

Comprehension was dawning on Aerrow's face. He scrambled up, blushing furiously now. "You mean, you're not pregnant with my child?"

Cyclonis scoffed. "In your _dreams_, Sky Knight."

The Dark Ace was rolling around on the floor, clutching his ribs, completely and utterly convinced he was going to die he was laughing so hard.

Aerrow scratched the back of his neck, looking really awkward. "Um, well, I'm sorry, there's been a misunderstanding, I think I'll go now." He backpedaled quickly, leaving the Cyclonians somewhat shocked but incredibly amused at his humiliation.

Poor Aerrow.

But, hahahahaha, that was so funny!

Okay, I admit it, I don't feel bad at all. Oh, well, comes from being an evil author! ;-)

* * *

This concludes the series, "How To Annoy A Storm Hawk." I hoped you like it.

Because it's finished, I'd like to take my time to do a concluding giant author's note, although not long enough to give it its own chapter. I want to thank everyone who has cared to review. For those who actually liked it, should I continue? Is there a 'How to Annoy a Cyclonian' in the works?

Review, please!


End file.
